Ok, so what’s up with the negative Mother In Law crap?! Who started that anyway? And is there the same stigma in other countries? The comments people make about their MIL’s are awful! And what’s even worse is the preparation they feel they need to give me on what I should expect and how to “deal”. These are just as bad as everybody telling me to wait until the honeymoon phase is over. Why does everything have to be so negative? Can’t I just truly be happy and have nothing lurking over my head about how dark and dreary my future looks? Come on people, have a little optimism please.
For the record, I just want to say that I have an amazing mother in law. She is kind, sweet, and caring. She doesn’t nag about when we are going to have a baby, make comments about my weight or house cleaning abilities, say anything negative about my ability to cook, or pester us everyday wanting to check up on her son. I know she cares about him very much and the transition of having your sons grow up and move out is hard I am sure. But she has handled it with grace, dignity, and been very, very helpful to me. She was super wonderful through all of the wedding prep . She’s offered to help me learn to cook a few things, is always genuine in her interaction with me and is willing to lend a hand or advice whenever we ask for it but doesn’t barge in or act overbearingly. We get along great.
That being said…even if we didn’t get along great I think it’s important to protect your family as well as your spouse. I believe you get what you settle for and if all you are expecting from your in laws is that they are going to be horrible, overbearing, nagging people who are always telling you to do things the “right” way, than that is all you are going to see. I am not saying people don’t have issues getting used to a new family. It can be hard at times. I am sure there are some MILs that make it very difficult on their DILs. I know that people in general can be annoying, hurt our feelings, or butt in where they don’t belong. That’s not just a MIL thing though. That’s a human thing. The important thing to remember is complaining about it all the time and trash talking about your new family isn’t going to help. And I’m sure your spouse doesn’t appreciate hearing all those negative things about their loved ones.
Even if your mother in law is horrible and your personalities clash you don’t need to spread it around the whole community or share it with all your other friends whose MIL stink. That’s just creates fuel for the fire. AND certainly people don’t need tell every prospective bride to look out for her MIL because she’s going to be a monster. Gee, thanks for the encouragement. That’s like saying I had a job with a boss once that was totally awful so since you are old enough to get a job now let me just tell you how much your boss is going to hate you and put a ton of pressure and deadlines on you and breathe down your neck every five seconds. It doesn’t make for a very positive outlook to start with.
I look at the story of Ruth in the Bible and wonder what problems she might have had with her mother in law. It says Naomi changed her name (which meant pleasant) to Mara (meaning bitter). Obviously she didn’t want to be associated with joy anymore or being pleasant. She plainly states that she is bitter. She says the Lord sent her away full but now she is coming back empty. Talk about a depressed person. Then she even takes it a step further and tells her DILs to go back to where they came from because she has nothing left to offer. Yet Ruth, knowing she has found the One, True God, will not leave her MIL’s side. She trusts that GOD will work out everything that needs to be worked out. And then she accompanies this bitter, old, depressed woman to an unfamiliar land and goes to work trying to provide a life for them. She remains respectful to Naomi, she seeks her counsel, and BECAUSE of her reputation that precedes her in how she dealt with her mother in law, Ruth is looked favorably upon by Boaz who marries her.
Ladies, our character can take us a long way. What does our character say if we are belittling and smack talking the people in our family? How can we be more like Ruth? Maybe this week instead of dreading that visit from the MIL, pray for God to show you what He sees in her. Pray for patience and for an open mind. And make a commitment to stop cutting her down with your words. The foothold that trash talking another person gives Satan is huge. It causes us to miss out on a lot of great things. And please don’t feel like I am targeting you or like your situation isn’t possibly very difficult. I have difficult people all around me. I know what it is like. But maybe we just need to have a little faith in people. And a lot of faith that God can do anything and work through everything.
